If Bernie Sanders and Gary Johnson were on the same ticket, their slogan could be “Feel the Berning Johnson!” It could also double as a PSA for STDs.

Yesterday, I went to a Memorial Day Parade and memorial service. It was a small one with a local school band, veterans, and kids on bikes. One of the township trustees was master of ceremony and an older resident sang appropriate songs.

Then the keynote speak stood up and started talking. She mentioned the stories told by veterans and how they shouldn’t be lost. I agreed with that until I realized she was pitching her book. She started outlining the chapters and was going to be available for signing afterwards. Now, the proceeds are supposed to go to an organization that supports a service for veterans, but it still felt a little tacky. Especially when she got to the end. She said completely unironically:

“We’ll be inside selling our books. We take check, cash, or credit card. The American Way.”

Really? The American way is now defined as check, cash, or credit? Someone let Superman know that this is right up there with Truth and Justice.

My mother used to travel to New England for several years in a row to visit a friend who lived in Rhode Island. She would then visit me at school in Boston. The trips continued even after I graduated and returned to Ohio.

On one such visit, she and her friend Lorna were walking through Boston Common. They had seen the monument dedicated to the pope for celebrating mass in the Common several years previous. Later on the walk, they were trying to remember where it was they wanted to go. Lorna said to my mother: “It’s over by the Pope’s erection.” Then they both stood there and giggled.

So that’s one of the things I’m remembering on this Mother’s Day.

I was at the Cincinnati Zoo this week and was able to view the baby cheetahs.

The Covington Quibbler    April 11, 2016

Governor Matt Blevin revealed today that his proposed cuts to higher education are actually part of long-term plan known as the Planning for Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse, or PIZA.

“Look, it’s pretty simple. Zombies eat brains, right? My budget cuts to higher ed will make sure that Kentucky brains just aren’t that nourishing. Once the zombies try a few, they’ll want to move on to Ohio and other states. Though I’m not sure about Tennessee.”

His next steps as governor will be to continue to make teaching a horrible, underpaid profession with no retirement funds so that all teachers will leave the state, making it even more undesirable for zombies to feed in Kentucky. 

“Look, I know I’m safe from zombies but I want to make sure all Kentuckians have a similar chance at survival,” the governor said.

hidden under tulips

mandibles clack in bright shells

an Easter egg hunt