Now for something really scary:

Of course he gave away free hats for his campaign. The secret mind control technology in each one made sure he would be President Trump.

Dan found himself smiling. He was happy to find out that if you took the foam Sharknado 2 saw, soaked in water, and froze it over night, it really could saw through flesh and bone.

Janet hung up the phone, her face white. Dave, the manager of Babies R Us asked her what was wrong. “The caller wanted to know what side dishes the babies came with and if we delivered.”

Jenny looked in the mirror after putting on the Sexy Donald Trump costume. As she watched, the hair piece inched down and then she felt the suckers attach to her forehead.

Marvin smiled as he listened to the long electrical ZZZZZZZZZ of another pest biting the dust. It really was an inspiration to hook a dozen car batteries up to the doorbell for Halloween.

Jesse started the stopwatch as soon as the divers feet went under the water. He watched as the water of the pool started churning, turning slightly pink. He the clicked the stopwatch again when the water stopped churning. Well, he was right; pirahnas took less time to strip a person to the bone than a cow.

It’s been a week. Something a little more whimsical . . .

Corey didn’t find his father’s assurances that there was no such thing as monsters comforting at all. However, the crunching noises that now came from under the bed were surprisingly soothing and he soon drifted off to sleep.

Leonard had been furious when he saw his client at the bar, stuffing wings and guzzling beer. Didn’t he know what a beer belly would do to the wonderful tattoo he had inked, stretching it out, making it gross? But it was alright; Leonard had always wanted to take up taxidermy.

Jeb placed the jar in the one remaining spot left on the dozens of shelves in his storm cellar. When the zombie apocalypse occurred, he’d have plenty of brains to eat when he got turned.

Barney dropped the candle and watched the flames flicker in the carved out eyes. He would win the Halloween decorating contest this year for sure; who else was making jack-o-lanterns out of real men named Jack?