Patrick remembered thinking to himself it was the mother of all spiders when he dropped a phone book on the huge arachnid. Now, looking out at the thick, white webs that surrounded his house and covered his windows, he realized that it may well have been the Mother of all Spiders.
“Daddy, my dolly needs to be burped,” Jenny said.
Her father smiled and held the doll against his shoulder, patting its back. He stopped smiling forever a few seconds after he felt the barbed tongue enter his ear.
Bobby held the book in front of the silver-haired man’s face. “Sorry old chap, but you can see for yourself.”
At the top of the page was the heading “Spell to Win the Republican Primaries”
- Claws of weasel
- Tongue of snake
- Eye of Newt (Gingrich)
And then he advanced with the melon-baller.
Janna looked into the mirror and said “Bloody Mary” three times. No woman appeared in the mirror. She turned around and screamed.
Her brother found her the next morning, lying on the floor in a puddle of tomato juice and vodka, with two celery sticks jammed into her eyes.
Mary looked over her garden. The silver bells and cockle shells had been easy. And finally, after some unfortunate trial and error, she had found the best way to plant the maidens was to bury them up to their neck. That way, they couldn’t run away and there was still opportunity for proper watering.
“It’s your turn to feed the baby,” she said. Even though he wanted to argue, he knew there was no point and got out of bed then walked to nursery where the baby was screaming. He picked the baby up and held it to his neck and felt the little fangs go in.
The smell of wood smoke filled the air and Jerry breathed in. That smell was one of this favorite things about autumn. He smiled then dropped the stick of dynamite down his boss’s chimney and zip lined to safety before it blew.